365

Well, folks. It's been one year. That's right, we're halfway through. Where did the last 365 days go? I'm not complainin'...I'm just sayin'. It honestly flew by. So this is the time where most girls start planning their weddings and becoming sure of the fact that they will marry their missionaries. I'm not there yet. I'm super excited that we made it this far, believe me, I am! But when the next year rolls around will we be getting married for eternity? I don't know. It would be the fairytale ending, but I don't know.

I would like to be able to say that I know exactly where I'll be in one year. I would like to be able to say that I even have a clue. But I can't.

I love it here in Arizona. I do. I love how many members there are out here. I love it. I love it. I love it. There are people who want me to stay here and not go back to Nebraska when summer rolls around. And there are others who want me back in Nebraska right now. There are people who want me to continue waiting, and there are those who don't. I obviously can't please everyone, nor should I try. The problem is this: I hate letting people down. I hate being the one to disappoint and, therefore, saying no is really difficult for me. But I'm getting there. I am learning to do things for me and I'm working on relying on my Heavenly Father to do so. It's this amazing new ability that I have: saying no. I'm not great at it yet, but I'm progressing. You'd think that being able to do things for myself would make life easier, less complicated. False: I'm only 20 years old. I have no idea what I want yet (I stole a page out of old Dwight Schrute's book). How does one figure that out? Everyone's advice? Do what makes you happy. But I'm a very happy person so that's a pretty large spectrum. I could be happy getting married. I could be happy finishing up school first. I could be happy studying abroad. I could be happy going on a mission. I could be happy going home to Nebraska. I could be happy staying here in Arizona. Heck, I've even thought about transferring out to BYU-Idaho and I could be happy there. The thing is, I am one of those people that are happy anywhere, and I'm grateful for that. But it doesn't make my decision making any easier. 

Anyway, I'm just rambling. Allow me to condense: I'm confused about every aspect of my life right now. So where I'll be in one year is a mystery. But one year has passed and I'm still here so if I could make a prediction? I'd say that I'll still be around after the next 365 days. 

This past year I have grown more than the other 19 years of my life combined. This past year I have gone through every emotion on the scale. This past year I had my first apartment. I moved out of Nebraska for the first time. I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my education. I became a published writer. I cried and laughed and danced and screamed. I gained weight, I lost weight. I turned into a bit of a hippie (although let's be honest, I've always been that way). This past year, though I missed Seth, I'm glad that I was "alone." It offered me the opportunity to figure out who I was, even if who I am has no idea what she's doing. I discovered my passions, weaknesses, my strengths. I discovered that I love being spontaneous, traveling without plans and trying everything once. I love documenting every detail with my camera, my notepad, my memory. This past year I have gained confidence that I never knew I was capable of and I've learned to love others more fully. I've enjoyed what very well may be my favorite thing in the world: driving with my windows down, sun streaming in, hair flying loose and becoming tangled, radio turned all the way up and singing at the top of my lungs. I have truly grown to appreciate being young and I don't want to throw away one single minute or wish for it to pass any faster than it already is. I learned to live and love life more than I ever have before. This past year...was incredible. 

Year two? Bring it on.

so i guess i'm pretty spoiled...

because today I received, not one, but 2 cartas! We don't write as often anymore so when I do get a letter it's a huge surprise, sorta like a mini-Christmas. And in each of those envelopes there were multiple letters, one of which was written on 3 pass-along cards because he didn't have paper with him. I immediately sat down and read through those things as if I were losing my sight in a few minutes.

Omygoodness, omygoodness.

I love that boy.

And you know what? 

He loves me too. =) 

He is excited about marrying me! Me! Can you believe it?! I sure can't. I have definitely made my fair share of dumb mistakes and he knows all about them and yet...he still wants...me? How can this be? 

I am so blessed. 

In one of his letters he said "I was talking to a guy named Beto...the other day we got on the subject of families and whether or not we had girlfriends. I showed him a picture of you and he approves. But then he said something I wasn't expecting that was really nice. He told me, 'It doesn't matter how many guys she meets or goes out with. She is never going to find someone as good as you.' Made me feel really good. =)"

Well, Beto, you were right. I'll be honest, I like dating now that the time is right.

I like the lack of pressure that comes with casual dates.

I like the reassurance that comes after those dates telling me, they are great guys, but they aren't Seth.

I just don't get excited about anyone else like I got excited about him.

Like I still get when I get a letter or an email from his family.

So you're right, Beto. It doesn't matter how many guys I go on dates with during this next year, none of them will take his place.

Which reminds me: AZ boys are much more....aggressive than NE boys. It took Seth 2 years to come say hi to me. I was asked on 2 dates within the first 24 hours of moving to Arizona. Granted, Seth was younger and probably much less desperate for an eternal spouse. I'm just sayin'. 

Bringing me to another point...

Last night I got asked on another date.

I was actually driving behind him trying to leave the parking lot when he stopped the car, hopped out, and headed toward me. So, I rolled down my window. 

"Yes?"

"I know I don't know you very well yet...but I want to. What are you doing in 5 days? Would you want to go on a double date with me? You might have heard that I'm leaving on my mission soon but I wouldn't expect you to wait for me or anything." 

I can't tell you how tempted I was to say, "Good because I wouldn't anyway. I'm already waiting for someone else."

But I didn't want to be rude.

So instead I just smiled.

Expressions of Love&Choosing an Anniversary

Once upon a time, Seth and I didn't know when we started dating. We knew when he had our first kiss, down to the minute, but we had been "together" for quite awhile before we technically became bf/gf exclusive. So we just picked a date that was in the general time frame and called it good. Romantic, right? (We chose September 25) Well, a few weeks ago I went to send an old friend one of Elder Uchtdorf''s amazing talks via facebook message and, lo and behold, since facebook now stores all of your old IM conversations, I saw that I had sent her a message the night Seth actually asked me out! It was documented!

 sorry, folks! I cannot share such valuable information as my last name!

So, 27 months ago today, Seth and I started dating. And in honor of that I would like to share a little message with ya'll. It is adorable. And watch for the couple that talks about how he cooks dinner for her "sloppy joes and candlelight." That's Sam and Chas! She, Sam, blogs over here and they are now expecting a baby girl in June!! Super exciting!? You betcha! Anyway, here you are, enjoy!

p.s.-Seth sent me a message with little pieces of cut up paper after he heard Elder Scott's talk. He really is the best. <3

An Evening With An Inspiring Woman

That's her with an old picture of herself. Beautiful.

Who is this incredible lady of which I speak? Well, folks, she is someone very special to me and I love her very very much. She's my great great aunt. She's 92 years old and her name is Helen. She truly is a remarkable woman. Her mind is sharp as a tack and she remembers dates and details better than I can at 20 years old. She still bowls and shoots squirrels out of her backyard with a pellet gun when they start to eat her bird food. That Aunt Helen of mine is one feisty woman.

I eat lunch with her at least once a week and I'm so grateful to have her living here in Lincoln with me! Well tonight I was suffering from another bought of being anti-social, so I decided to go visit her. We had a wonderful time! First we watched a volleyball game (she is the biggest Husker fan of all time, that's how you know she really is my homegirl) after which I helped her make her fingernails beautiful (her one hand is too shaky to do it herself). Then we ate some delish ice cream and her specialty butterscotch cookies as we played a few rounds of cards. I told her all about the latest package I'm sending Seth and asked if she would like to say something to him in one of the videos I was sending on the SD card. She is DEFINITELY pro-Seth so she said yes. (She only met him once but she really liked him and she asks about him at least once a month if not more. Also, I think she mainly likes the idea of me waiting for him because she waited for her husband as well but I'll get around to that.) That inspired me to ask her more questions about her Pete and I asked if she had any old pictures we could look at. So we went downstairs and got their wedding photos. She had a little wedding book/journal in which she'd written every detail of their 1946 wedding and as I looked through it I read them all out loud to hear. Inside this little book was the toast which one of her friends, who has since passed on, gave at their wedding and then again the same exact toast at their 50th wedding anniversary. The writing was too small for her to read, so she asked me to once again read that special toast to her. How could I refuse? It all made me so happy, but at the same time so sad. 1- I loved being able to hold those old pictures. 2- I loved seeing what she looked like. 3- It broke my heart to hear her tell of her loved ones, including her husband, who had almost all passed away.  

She continued to tell me about Pete and how she waited for him while he went away to war...4 years. Holy cow. And I thought 2 years was bad. When she reminded me she had waited that long she looked at me and said, "you have a ways to go to catch up." Haha I hope I never have to! I don't know if I could handle that long! Anyhow, she had one picture of herself waiting by an empty mailbox which she told me she had sent to him and said "I didn't get a letter today." Oh goodness, Aunt Helen. I know how you feel. So yeah, he got back from overseas and they got married and lived happily ever after and now he has been gone for over 10 years. Every time I think about her being without him for that long I just want to cry. I once asked her if she still missed him a lot...I already knew the answer. "Oh yes. That sort of thing never goes away. It gets better but..." The pain is duller now but it never completely goes away. In a sense, I knew exactly what she meant. At least I thought I did, but then I realized Seth had only been gone for 8 months and she's been missing Pete for 10 years. I am so foolish to think I know anything about how she feels. 

After our wonderful story time I had to go, i had been over there since 6:30 and it was now past 11. Before I left she told me "I was hoping you would decide not to go to Arizona...I'm really going to miss you." I walked over to her and gave her the biggest hug. "I'm going to miss you too. I love you, Aunt Helen."   "I love you too, sweetie," she said. 

As I drove away from her house with a promise of returning tomorrow after church, I said a thankful little prayer. I am grateful that I have her still on this earth with me. I am grateful for the wonderful person that she is and for all of the lives that she has blessed. "Wow, Pete,"  I thought, "You were one lucky guy to be able to spend your life with her."  Then a very distinct thought came into my mind: They're not sealed. He can't have her for eternity, at least not with the way things are now. And I decided right then and there, someday I am going to be baptized for her. And I am going to seal them together. No other temple work will ever make me so happy. (Except for possibly getting married myself.) I can only imagine how happy they will be finally being sealed! My goodness, I've never been so excited to go to the temple and I can't even do the work yet! Someday though, I am going to do it. And it will probably be one of the most meaningful experiences of my life. I can already tell.

^Some of my favorites. I can't believe I forgot to put the mailbox picture in this group!^

Aren't they just adorable in that photo on the left!?! The picture on the right she sent to him while he was overseas (you can see in the corner she wrote "I love you") and he kept it the whole way through the war and all through their marriage and now that he's gone she has it again. Talk about tragically romantic, huh?

Most important points of the night:

a) I can make it two years. She made it through four and she's still alive and kicking.

b) Once again, I am so incredibly grateful to have the gospel in my life and know that I can be sealed to all of my family, including my future husband, for all of eternity.

The Missionary's Girl

We are so much stronger than we sometimes give ourselves credit for. Hopefully this gives you strength and reminds you of exactly who you are!

The Missionary's Girl

Somewhere between the whirl of teen-age dates and the responsibility of matrimony, we find a lone creature called the Missionary's Girl.

They come in two varieties... engaged and hopefuls. They come in assorted sizes, weights, and colors, blue being the most common.

The missionary's girl is found at home, missing parties, staying away from dances, paying her own way to the movies, and buyingstationary by the gross.

Missionaries love them, young girls look up to them, parentstolerate them, postmen hate them, and weekly letters support them.

A missionary's girl is a composite. She has the appetite of a hormonally unstable 18-year-old girl, the enthusiasm of a wet noodle, the patience of Job, the persistence of a stainless steel salesman and the imagination of Scherazade.

She likes letters from the mission field, invitations to his home, long distance telephone calls, items for his scrapbook, pictures of him, and other girls who are waiting.

She isn't much for Saturday nights out on the town ; people who say, "Two years is a long time"; or “Don’t waste your time” or the classic “ so much can happen in two years” , new clothes with no one to wear them for; sad movies and music; movies with love scenes; knitting; wedding receptions; little sisters who date; calenders; and "Dear Janes."
A missionary's girl is an odd object: She can get lonesome, discouraged, and temporarily lose faith in the whole missionary system. No one else can write such cheerful letters in such a rotten mood. No one else can get such a thrill at the end of the day by the words, "Why yes, there is a letter for you." Nobody else is so early to bed and so early to rise. A missionary's girl is virtue with no chance to be otherwise, faith with twenty-four months to wait, prudence with 69 cents in her savings account, and beauty with no one to give a darn.

Yes, she is all this, but it will all be forgotten the day he receives his letter of release and, upon his arrival home she will probably utter the words she once considered trite, "It hasn't seemed like any time at all!"
~ Dan Valentine