Has It Really Been Two Years?!?!

So you guys. You guys, you guys, you guys. I know I haven't posted on here in WAY too long and I'm sure everyone figured I had died or left on my mission already or got married or...something. Well none of that is true.
I suppose it's just been easier not to write because I have felt so confused as to what I was doing with my life. Can I just tell you how incredible my life has been recently though? I mean everything hasn't been perfect but I've learned more about my Savior. I've learned more about sacrifice. I've learned more about the power of the Atonement. I've learned more about my Heavenly Father's plan for me. I've learned more about scriptures. I've just learned...more. Sacrificing something good for something better seems to do that to ya'...
And as I've been growing, struggling to figure things out, and preparing for a mission...time has passed. Seth will be home in...27 days. What?!? What?! I can't quite wrap my head around this. Is it really happening?! Have two years really passed and the time has actually come?? Apparently.

We haven't really communicated one on one (I have send him short updates on my life here and there and have just received his family emails) for the last eight months or so. I have dated other guys since he has been gone. I have, however, stayed true to the agreement we made before he left: "I want you to date and be happy while I'm gone...just please don't be married when I get home." Psh. Please. I'm as far from married as I'll ever be. I have been praying about a mission on and off over the last year and have been preparing for that. In other words, I have not been the typical, faithfully-writing-every-week missionary girlfriend. I'm not even sure if you could call me a missionary girlfriend anymore at all. I don't even call myself that.
But I do have a missionary that I pray for every day. There is a young man halfway across the world that, amongst all of the changes and experiences I've undergone, has never really left my mind.There's a relationship on which I've never given up. There's a best friend that I've never completely let go of and that I'm excited to get back.
And he's coming home soon.

I'm scared. I'm giddy. I'm all sorts of emotions.
We have both changed so much that I feel like we barely know each other now. Will things pick up where they left off? Or will we be like two strangers? I just don't know what to expect. What to feel. What to think.
All I know is that, the closer it gets, the less nervous I become and the more excitement takes over. I'm excited to get to know who he has become.
The day after I see him for the first time, though, I drive back to Lincoln to begin my mission interviews. What a strange turn of events...we never thought that this would be our situation upon his return. But here it is. And it's beautiful. And it's exciting. And it's great. I have no doubt that there's a plan. For each of us. We just have to figure out what our plans entail and act upon that discovery, even if it's one week, one day at a time.
No matter what may happen, I cannot wait to see him again. And I'm ready for this.

so i guess i'm pretty spoiled...

because today I received, not one, but 2 cartas! We don't write as often anymore so when I do get a letter it's a huge surprise, sorta like a mini-Christmas. And in each of those envelopes there were multiple letters, one of which was written on 3 pass-along cards because he didn't have paper with him. I immediately sat down and read through those things as if I were losing my sight in a few minutes.

Omygoodness, omygoodness.

I love that boy.

And you know what? 

He loves me too. =) 

He is excited about marrying me! Me! Can you believe it?! I sure can't. I have definitely made my fair share of dumb mistakes and he knows all about them and yet...he still wants...me? How can this be? 

I am so blessed. 

In one of his letters he said "I was talking to a guy named Beto...the other day we got on the subject of families and whether or not we had girlfriends. I showed him a picture of you and he approves. But then he said something I wasn't expecting that was really nice. He told me, 'It doesn't matter how many guys she meets or goes out with. She is never going to find someone as good as you.' Made me feel really good. =)"

Well, Beto, you were right. I'll be honest, I like dating now that the time is right.

I like the lack of pressure that comes with casual dates.

I like the reassurance that comes after those dates telling me, they are great guys, but they aren't Seth.

I just don't get excited about anyone else like I got excited about him.

Like I still get when I get a letter or an email from his family.

So you're right, Beto. It doesn't matter how many guys I go on dates with during this next year, none of them will take his place.

Which reminds me: AZ boys are much more....aggressive than NE boys. It took Seth 2 years to come say hi to me. I was asked on 2 dates within the first 24 hours of moving to Arizona. Granted, Seth was younger and probably much less desperate for an eternal spouse. I'm just sayin'. 

Bringing me to another point...

Last night I got asked on another date.

I was actually driving behind him trying to leave the parking lot when he stopped the car, hopped out, and headed toward me. So, I rolled down my window. 

"Yes?"

"I know I don't know you very well yet...but I want to. What are you doing in 5 days? Would you want to go on a double date with me? You might have heard that I'm leaving on my mission soon but I wouldn't expect you to wait for me or anything." 

I can't tell you how tempted I was to say, "Good because I wouldn't anyway. I'm already waiting for someone else."

But I didn't want to be rude.

So instead I just smiled.

300's!!! Holla!

Omygosh. Omygosh. Omygosh. 

In one week I'll be in the 300's! Can you believe it?!?!?!?!

I cannot!! 

400's, you've been oh so good to me. 

So much kinder than the 500's.

Way more sensitive and loving than the horrible 600's. 

And heaven only knows you were night and day in comparison with the 700's. 

(They were real jerks. I don't even want to go there.)

The 400's and I have shared an incredible spiritual growth. We have completely changed the way I view this whole waiting game, we have moved my life to another state and we have reconsidered and prayed about the course of my life. We have faced some really challenging times, but mostly we have faced some really awesome times. The 400's were greeted with open, longing arms. 

So then why am I so excited to say goodbye to them?

Because these next 100 are going to be even better.

300's, here I come. Let's get well acquainted, my friends. You have a lot to live up to.

I *Heart* the Invention of the Speakerphone

Okay. Okay. Okay.
I am dying keeping this all inside...although I have told about everyone who has asked me "How was your Christmas, Sierra?" So, I suppose I haven't been keeping it inside at all. But now it's finally time to share my story with you!
My Christmas went a little something like this:

8:15am-wake up, get ready for church
9:03am-leave for church (dad is the branch president so we had to get there early for the Christmas program)
10:00am-special Christmas sacrament meeting begins, awesome speakers and musical numbers. The spirit was super strong and it was a great start to my Christmas day!
1:00pm-Get home from church, rush to finish my gifts for my family as they all tell me to hurry up, they want to open presents
1:24pm-Open gifts
2:05pm-Hand out the poems that I wrote each one of my family members
2:08pm-Everyone is crying from the poems------>I know this sounds super cheesy...but this is one Christmas that I will never forget. It was really...special.

For the rest of the afternoon we ate deliciousness, played around with our awesome presents, and watched movies together as a family.

6:07pm-I sent a text to Seth's family "Have your heard from him yet?"
6:08pm-Promptly one minute later, I received a text message from Seth's little sister, Kaitlyn. (Love her.) It said...."The phone just rang!!!!! OMG IT'S HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I cannot even explain the emotions which were coursing through me at that point in time. For some odd reason I was nervous. Then there was a part of me was jumping with joy, knowing that they were actually on the phone with him that very minute...but another part, a bigger part, began to ache for that same reason. And my heart sank. I knew the wondrous phone call was taking place...and I was in another state. Missing it.

6:26pm-My phone began to vibrate and as I glanced down, expecting it to be a text message, I saw that Seth's dad was calling me! I literally leaped off of the couch (where I had been snuggling up to my mom, and quite honestly feeling a little sorry for myself) and ran into our bathroom.

They were going to try and let me in on the phone call!!! Seth's family put him on speakerphone and  then put me on speakerphone as well. And I heard him! I really heard him!
As the conversation continued, I barely spoke. Partly because as I sat on my bathroom counter, knees tucked up close to my chest and phone close to my ear, tears rolled down my cheeks. Missing him tears. Grateful tears. Because his family had been kind enough to share these precious minutes with me. Because modern technology made this possible.
But the main reason I didn't speak was because I couldn't understand a dang thing. Turns out, the whole speakerphone-to-speakerphone thing doesn't make for a very clear sound. Truth of the matter is, though, that didn't even matter. Sure I couldn't understand him, but I could hear him. I could hear his voice and I could hear his laugh. Gosh. I missed that laugh.

At one point in time his little brother held a helicopter that he got for Christmas up to the phone and said, "Seth! Guess what this is?!"
And then there was that laugh again.
*Sigh*
Am I an ol' sap? Why yes. Yes I am.

His timer got screwed up so we didn't know exactly how much time we had left to talk to him, and eventually his 45 minutes were up and he got kicked off. So we didn't get to say goodbye. And then I cried some more. Because I'm a baby like that.

Did that muffled phone conversation top off my perfect Christmas? It most certainly did. And even though a few tears were shed, this was, by far, the best Christmas that I have ever had.

I am so grateful that I was able to be a part of his Christmas phone call. His voice was exactly what I needed and it reminded me that,even though we both are focused on growing as two separate individuals right now, his mission is bringing us even closer together. I wouldn't trade that for the world.

Got 'Er Done

I finally sent my letter/package thing today!! 

When he opens it he will find...

2 letters

2 paisley ties (his favorite pattern)

2 random notes

1 full memory card

It was too fat! I literally had to shove it down the chute. 

I would also like you to observe:

a)there is $2.50 worth of postage on that baby

b) how nicely it is decorated with random stickers...even though you can't really see that

(My personal favorites are the Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go stickers. I told him they were there to help his espanol in case he didn't know words like maravilloso and muy bien jaja...oh forgive my spanglish. I mean marvelous and very good haha.)

Muahaha! Probably thought i was sharing something juicy with you, didn't you?! Not a chance. This is just the shortest, last little clip I filmed before sending the SD card off to him. And you already knew I loved him so nothing new there!

An Evening With An Inspiring Woman

That's her with an old picture of herself. Beautiful.

Who is this incredible lady of which I speak? Well, folks, she is someone very special to me and I love her very very much. She's my great great aunt. She's 92 years old and her name is Helen. She truly is a remarkable woman. Her mind is sharp as a tack and she remembers dates and details better than I can at 20 years old. She still bowls and shoots squirrels out of her backyard with a pellet gun when they start to eat her bird food. That Aunt Helen of mine is one feisty woman.

I eat lunch with her at least once a week and I'm so grateful to have her living here in Lincoln with me! Well tonight I was suffering from another bought of being anti-social, so I decided to go visit her. We had a wonderful time! First we watched a volleyball game (she is the biggest Husker fan of all time, that's how you know she really is my homegirl) after which I helped her make her fingernails beautiful (her one hand is too shaky to do it herself). Then we ate some delish ice cream and her specialty butterscotch cookies as we played a few rounds of cards. I told her all about the latest package I'm sending Seth and asked if she would like to say something to him in one of the videos I was sending on the SD card. She is DEFINITELY pro-Seth so she said yes. (She only met him once but she really liked him and she asks about him at least once a month if not more. Also, I think she mainly likes the idea of me waiting for him because she waited for her husband as well but I'll get around to that.) That inspired me to ask her more questions about her Pete and I asked if she had any old pictures we could look at. So we went downstairs and got their wedding photos. She had a little wedding book/journal in which she'd written every detail of their 1946 wedding and as I looked through it I read them all out loud to hear. Inside this little book was the toast which one of her friends, who has since passed on, gave at their wedding and then again the same exact toast at their 50th wedding anniversary. The writing was too small for her to read, so she asked me to once again read that special toast to her. How could I refuse? It all made me so happy, but at the same time so sad. 1- I loved being able to hold those old pictures. 2- I loved seeing what she looked like. 3- It broke my heart to hear her tell of her loved ones, including her husband, who had almost all passed away.  

She continued to tell me about Pete and how she waited for him while he went away to war...4 years. Holy cow. And I thought 2 years was bad. When she reminded me she had waited that long she looked at me and said, "you have a ways to go to catch up." Haha I hope I never have to! I don't know if I could handle that long! Anyhow, she had one picture of herself waiting by an empty mailbox which she told me she had sent to him and said "I didn't get a letter today." Oh goodness, Aunt Helen. I know how you feel. So yeah, he got back from overseas and they got married and lived happily ever after and now he has been gone for over 10 years. Every time I think about her being without him for that long I just want to cry. I once asked her if she still missed him a lot...I already knew the answer. "Oh yes. That sort of thing never goes away. It gets better but..." The pain is duller now but it never completely goes away. In a sense, I knew exactly what she meant. At least I thought I did, but then I realized Seth had only been gone for 8 months and she's been missing Pete for 10 years. I am so foolish to think I know anything about how she feels. 

After our wonderful story time I had to go, i had been over there since 6:30 and it was now past 11. Before I left she told me "I was hoping you would decide not to go to Arizona...I'm really going to miss you." I walked over to her and gave her the biggest hug. "I'm going to miss you too. I love you, Aunt Helen."   "I love you too, sweetie," she said. 

As I drove away from her house with a promise of returning tomorrow after church, I said a thankful little prayer. I am grateful that I have her still on this earth with me. I am grateful for the wonderful person that she is and for all of the lives that she has blessed. "Wow, Pete,"  I thought, "You were one lucky guy to be able to spend your life with her."  Then a very distinct thought came into my mind: They're not sealed. He can't have her for eternity, at least not with the way things are now. And I decided right then and there, someday I am going to be baptized for her. And I am going to seal them together. No other temple work will ever make me so happy. (Except for possibly getting married myself.) I can only imagine how happy they will be finally being sealed! My goodness, I've never been so excited to go to the temple and I can't even do the work yet! Someday though, I am going to do it. And it will probably be one of the most meaningful experiences of my life. I can already tell.

^Some of my favorites. I can't believe I forgot to put the mailbox picture in this group!^

Aren't they just adorable in that photo on the left!?! The picture on the right she sent to him while he was overseas (you can see in the corner she wrote "I love you") and he kept it the whole way through the war and all through their marriage and now that he's gone she has it again. Talk about tragically romantic, huh?

Most important points of the night:

a) I can make it two years. She made it through four and she's still alive and kicking.

b) Once again, I am so incredibly grateful to have the gospel in my life and know that I can be sealed to all of my family, including my future husband, for all of eternity.

Poo Raisins

Yes, I realize that I have already posted tonight and yes I realize it was not even 2 hours ago but I have a story to tell so shut your face.

So I bought this memory card to fill and send to Seth...in August. It is now November and I still haven't sent it. The problem is that I lost it for awhile...and when I finally found it I watched all of the videos I had recorded onto and thought "Wow. These are incredibly stupid. There's no way I'm sending this." So I deleted them all off, and the last couple of weeks have been working on filling the card once again. Well tonight I ran out of memory!! I know this isn't usually a happy occasion, but this time it is because now I can finally mail it to him! (Plus I have some ties that have been patiently awaiting this little love package as well.) Anyway, I got so excited about being able to send the letter that I started decorating the little manila bubble envelope straight away. Then I realized I needed stickers. I already had Christ stickers because the postal workers in Argentina are thieving little guys and steal stuff out of my letters...but apparently they are superstitious as well and if you put pictures of Christ on the envelopes they won't steal your junk. (Practically as miraculous as the bread and fish thing eh?) So those stickers come in handy, but I wanted something that made him laugh. Let's be honest, as much as I love Christ, his face doesn't make me bust a gut. And that's a good thing. So I decided it was absolutely vital that I ran to the Dollar Tree right now. So I did. I got me a few different sticker books and then I decided to look around a bit. I looked for Pokemon cards for Seth, because he used to love them and I just know there's something deep inside of him just itching to hold one in his hands again. Not that he would play them on his mission, but I know he'd get a good laugh out of them. But alas, Dollar Tree doesn't sell Pokemon cards, believe me, I looked all over that store. All I found was some farm animal collector cards. Who wants to collect little cartoon drawings of farm animals? "Trade my goose for your pig." "Why would I want your goose? It can't even provide me with bacon." Also, the bulls had utters. That's not okay, city folk. Not okay.
Then I saw a pair of awesome glasses, you know, the ones with the nose attached? Yeah. These.

And I knew I had to have them.

Then as I was checking out I saw chocolate covered raisins. And I'm sorta obsessed with chocolate raisins. And it was a big bag for only $1! So I got them as well. In all of my impatience, I started to munch on them as I drove. "Yuck," I thought, "these raisins taste like poo." But I couldn't stop eating them! It's as if the disgusting poo raisins had some sort of power of me! So I choked them down all the way back to the apartment. And then I rushed back inside to blog about it.

Yes. These are the culprits.

Go Ahead. Feast Your Eyes.

 I figure it's been awhile since I've reminded ya'll how handsome my missionary is. Just thought I'd share the wealth.  (But only to a certain degree, ladies. Remember, he's still mine. haha)

My goodness look at those blue eyes! Love them. Love him.

The Difference Between Then and Now

I've been thinking lately...It's crazy how I missed Seth when he first left and I still miss him now, but I feel completely different! I am happy! (And let's be honest, people. Those first few months? I was not a happy camper.)  I feel as if these two years apart are just as important for me as they are for him. I am nowhere near the person I was when he left 8 months ago...I'm better. I've grown so much and I can tell that he has too! I am so excited to get to know him all over again when he returns in 16 months. I love him I love him I love him. Do I know that we are going to get married and be sealed for all eternity? No. Of course I don't. But I do know that it's a definite possibility.

He knows all of my flaws and mistakes I've made in my life...and he accepts and loves me anyway. I think it's also important to note, I know that he isn't a perfect person either. We are long past that initial stage of puppy-love where omygosh everything they do is so amazing and perfect and romantic and you're floating on a pink fluffy cloud because *sigh* you were just meant to be in love. No no no...don't get me wrong, I love that stage! It's new and exciting! It's a lovely stage in the beginning of every relationship, but we're not in that anymore. We haven't been there in a long time. We've been together for over 2 years and we know very well that we aren't perfect people and we aren't a perfect couple. Yet, we love each other.

The greatest thing Seth ever did for me was encourage me to date other people when he left. It showed that he trusted me, but most of all it showed that he loved me enough to give me up if that's what would make me happy. Turns out, it was also the greatest thing he could do for himself. Now that I have dated around a little in these past couple months, I realize that there are a lot of really great guys out there. The weird thing is, I'm not attracted to any of them like I was/am to Seth. Either they don't have the characteristics and standards that I find essential or I just feel absolutely no chemistry. Or both. And I think that's because I have such high expectations for them. Sorry to say, (okay, I'm actually not very sorry at all) no one else has made the cut. This whole dating thing has made me even more sure of the one that I want and that confidence is vital. Let's face it, who I marry? That's going to be the biggest, most important decision I'm ever going to make. I want to be sure that I'm making the right choice. So far, I think I am. =)

P.S.- I got to email chat with him for a little while today...I am one happy girl.

I Still Miss Him.

Wednesday I was able to email back and forth with Seth for a little while. Some days I barely recognize the person he's becoming...We have both changed so drastically. But for the better. Hearing from him was the reassurance I've needed...Yes. I definitely still love him. I just can't remember what it was like to have him here...so sometimes I need that little reminder. Also, I was very excited because, for months before Seth left, I tried to get him to style his hair. And he refused. And I was frustrated because I knew how cute he'd look! (I already thought he was cute, but you know what I mean.) He told me that he never styled his hair and he never ever would in all of his life. Well guess what? He's started styling his hair. Ha. And now he has even asked me for more ideas about what I think would look good so I've recently become obsessed with short hairstyles for men and have sent his multiple photos for him to consider. He has been trying them out this week, at least that's what the plan was. What a cutie. =)

The next day, Thursday, Seth's dad came to Lincoln. I was able to spend some time with him and gosh, I love that man. I love how I can be very honest and upfront with Seth's parents. They know I'm dating other people and they still love me anyway and are supportive. We also talked about how much Seth loved his mission and how he didn't want to come home, which isn't always easy to hear, but that's how it's supposed to be and I'm so proud of him. But you know what? I don't want him to come home anytime soon anyway. I mean, I miss him. But there's so much more I want to do and need to do before he comes back! If he is the one we would be getting married before too long so I need to do everything that I'm going to do by myself...now. Also...tonight was the adult session of stake conference and I've been thinking...Maybe I'll go on a mission. I wouldn't see Seth for almost four years...and that would be really really hard...but I've already ran the idea by him and he's really supportive whatever I decide to do. Hmmm...we'll see. Something else to pray about. 

And one last thing...my roommate is starting to kinda date this guy in the singles ward...and tonight after she walked him outside she came back in the room and was just so happy she didn't even know what to say! And it was so adorable! All she could say was "It felt like.....home." And you know what? I knew exactly what she  meant. And I missed that feeling. A lot. I'm super excited for her though! They make a super cute couple and I can definitely see it working. Maybe...=) But gosh...I almost started to cry. I didn't let myself because I didn't want to drag down the mood because I am so happy for them! I love seeing adorable couples! I just missed feeling like that myself...that's all. 

Oh and one more thing...this guy I've been going on dates with? He asked me to stay here and not go to Arizona next semester....He's an awesome awesome guy. A returned missionary, great testimony, super cute, super fun, super athletic, he's got it all...But I just don't feel that "home" feeling. I don't feel the way I did with Seth. And I need that. So I said no. I'm still going to Arizona. And I still miss Seth.

Birthday Flowers =)

Last Friday I turned 20. I feel the same. I look the same. I am the same. However, I can no longer say I'm in my teens. I'm a full fledged adult and that is both scary and exciting at the same time. It's strange to think that my mom was married by the time she was my age...wow. Anyhow my birthday was a crazy day. I got three hours of sleep that night thanks to my excess amount of homework and then I had an exam which kicked me off halfway through and a presentation which I felt I could have done a much better job on if I hadn't been so flustered from running around campus trying to get things to work. Then I got to the institute and lo and behold...there were flowers awaiting my arrival. I had no idea who they could be from, maybe my parents? But no, somehow Seth and his dad had worked things out and I had flowers sent to me from my wonderful missionary halfway across the world. =) It completely turned my day around and everything was okay. And I knew, someone somewhere was always looking out for me and that's all I needed. 

Email Day!!

1) Wednesday was email day!! =) =) And I actually checked my email at the same time he was on so we got to email back and forth for a few mins! It was magical. I almost forgot how much I missed him.

2) We've made it past 7 months!! (I know I'm behind on my countdown..lo siento! I'll get there eventually!)

3)I'm turning 20 tomorrow! Wow...

Love Them. =)

Today was game day here in Nebraska. In case you didn't know. Which you should, because Nebraska is the most incredible place to be on game day. Anyway, Seth's dad called me this morning and told me that they, (he and Stephanie) were coming to Lincoln for the game! Was I excited? Why yes. Yes I was. So when they got here we went out to eat and afterward made our way to the stadium and went our separate ways, they went to the sky box and I headed for the student section. During the 4the quarter they got me up into the sky box and Oh.My.Goodness. It was so cool! I was so excited my heart was pounding as we opened the door to get into our box! (Warren Buffet watches the games from sky boxes. That's how cool it is.) As soon as we walked in there was a server who offered to get me ice cream. And there was tons of other food just sitting out for us. Not to mention the view! And the V.P. of the college was in there with us. It was just amazing. I will probably never be in one of those again, but that quarter was good enough for me. So cool! And I was so glad I was able to see Seth's parents again! They are such awesome people and I'd missed them. A lot. I love that family. Hopefully one day it will be mine. =)

6 MONTHS!!!

Friday was Seth's six months mark. (As well as my little sister's 10th birthday.) Six whole months have already passed since he reported to the MTC! Can you believe it!? I can't! Each day seems to take forever, but the weeks have just flown by.  I need to add another picture to my photo count-up on the side...I just haven't gotten that far yet. Anyway, in honor of this wonderful 1/4 mark I will share one of my favorite pictures of him on his mission and pieces of the latest letters I've received.
"I miss you. Thank you so much for the letters that you send me. I love hearing about your life and knowing that you are happy. Oh, you make me smile. =)"  (Smile by Uncle Kracker was our first "song," by the time he left we had quite a few added to that list. Is it weird that I haven't been able to listen to any of them yet?)
"Just so you know, whatever happens after the mission even if you are married to someone else remember that I will always be your friend, your best friend. And Elder Haslam, Elder Plank, Elder Tagge, and I all say Hi. I love you, Sierra!"
"You are amazing! Don't forget to study the scriptures cada dia." I love how he still  looks after me. lol I also love how our letters are 100% Spanglish.

Also, I wrote a letter to his companion a while ago and I got his response.
I asked what kind of missionary Seth was and he answered, "He is one of the best. He is progressing very fast and he really knows how to teach the people. I am learning a lot from him and I've got more than 4 times as much time as he does on the mission. He is going to be a great missionary."

Then asked what stands out about Seth to him and he said, "I'd have to say the spirit he has with him. He always brings the spirit when he teaches and he always is following the promptings."

I told him that Seth always used to love pulling pranks on me and teasing me and asked if he did any of that to his companion. His response? "Thankfully he hasn't yet but I think he might be planning one out as I write so thanks for the heads up. I'll be watching my back and sleeping with one eye open now." Haha...Oh, Seth...

And last but not least I asked if I was being a distraction. I really don't know what I would have done if he would have said yes, but I needed to be sure because I don't want to hinder the work and keep him from progressing. I also told him to watch out for Seth because sometimes he does some stupid things. lol He's a smart boy, but he's a boy nonetheless and we all know their brilliant ideas aren't always super safe. His companion told me, "No, you are not a distraction. We missionaries need a lot of support and love because it keeps us going when times get tough. He is focused so don't worry. I'm making him work so hard he doesn't have time to get distracted. Don't worry I'm watching out for your Elder Ramsay and I'll make sure he comes back with honor."

Oh gosh. I miss that boy. Lately I've been slacking a little bit and it's hard for me to remember what it was like when he was here. I know I was happy and content when I was with him and I know I haven't had that exact feeling since he left, but I've forced myself not to think about it for so long it's almost difficult to bring it back to the front of my mind. Sometimes it feels as if this missionary girlfriend thing is just a dream. It truly feels like I have an imaginary boyfriend. When I look at pictures of him, though, I remember. When I read his letters, it comes back. And when I truly think about my life without him, I can't. I know this will all be worth it, I just have to do this six month thing three more times and I have a feeling these next three times are going to be much easier than the first. Halfway mark, here I come.

Pure Awesomeness

Today I read something written by another MG that was AMAZING!!! I loved everything she said and so I'm going to share my favorite part with you (and highlight my very favorite of favorites). Because it's just that awesome.

"If you don't want to distract then add. Add to his testimony and mission! Put more focus on what he's doing... on things around him. I give him my opinion all the time on things he writes me. It feels right. I'm glad I write him once or twice a week, and only in emails really... because he is not my job right now and I am not his. We have two years roughly to prepare to enter perhaps the most sacred and binding covenants here and in heaven. It's a serious and frightening thing... Not only this, but you and your elder, have giant targets painted on your backs... because you want a family, a righteous family. Things are getting hard, and they'll get worse to get better. We're primary targets for the greatest evil on earth and we have two years to make ourselves strong enough to involve someone else into it... his feelings and emotions, his perfections and failures. If we don't become both women of strength and women of nurture, (to some one may come easier then the other...) we will be at risk. So I ask, what are you doing every day to build yourself up? How are you stronger today then yesterday? and most importantly of all, how are you building others? and how do you make sure you don't detract from his mission or his work? Because he is probably Satan's primary target right now and he'll hit him any way he can... He needs every bit of strength the lord can give him and it is our duty to give him that. We are daughters of a Heavenly King, we are made to fight this war in the name of all we care for. We do not just get the happily ever after, we get the bloody satisfaction of earning it, of working and fighting for it. We are not sit and wait princesses, we are go and do princesses. We have God given abilities to help win this battle over our own lives. But you need to actively do something. There is no possible way a celestial marriage may form from those who sit and stew. We need to actively ask the lord what is best and what we need to do... for ourselves and others. If it's hard? "Forget yourself and get to work..." or just work through it. It may not be an answer you like. But it will be the right one. 'sometimes the lord calms the storm. Sometimes the lord calms the sailor. And sometimes he just lets you swim.' We must actively search for the best thing to do for ourselves and our elders... not the most convenient."


Well put, my friend. Well put.

What is Waiting?

Okay, friends. Here's the deal, I'm going to vent in this blog post. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Missionary girlfriends. Missionary girlfriends are these awesome, patient people and I love getting to know each one of them that I come in contact with. Over cyber-space of course, I definitely don't run into them in person but somehow we all seem to find each other. They are all very supportive. But you see, there is a problem. Much of this elite group is often very close-minded. Not all of them, please don't assume I'm talking about you, dear reader, because, well, I'm probably not. There are some super super amazing girls who I have grown to love and, well actually that's all of them, but sometimes I just don't agree with everything.. Allow me to explain myself.

There are some girls who go on dates and realize that they are starting to get feelings for other guys after their missionary has been gone awhile. Another girl told of how her missionary told her in an email that he had heard a talk or something and felt like she needed to be dating other guys while he was away but he still wanted her to write him and be there when he got home. She was pretty upset about all of this and instead of trying to calm her down and have her see that he wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, he just wanted her to be happy and was letting her know that he trusted her, other girls responded with comments telling her that they would be super upset too and that she shouldn't go on any dates and she just shouldn't tell her missionary that part. Someone else had been talking to her mom and she (the mom) had told her (the MG) that she really needed to date while he was away, not only because she wanted her to be happy but she wanted her to know for sure that she was making the right decision by waiting. And let's face it, girls, it's a big, important decision. That's two years of our lives. The response to that one was that all the other girls had had the same conversation with their mothers when their missionaries had left. (Haven't we all?) A few of them told her to go ahead and start dating, it may even strengthen her love for her missionary and appreciating him more, but most of them advised this girl not to listen to her mother because they hadn't. They said that moms couldn't understand because they weren't going through it so they didn't really know what was best.

Okay. Now. What problem do I have with this? Well, I have a lot of problems with this. And there's a good chance you're going to have a problem with me, and that's okay but I think you've read thus far, you should hear me out. 1) Moms are smart. If there's anything I've learned in the past 19, almost 20 years, it's that my parents know what they are talking about. I don't always agree and I don't always want to listen, but they are right 99.9% of the time. So maybe, instead of blowing off their advice, we should take it. 2) We are not statistics, but statistics do have something to say. Most girls don't wait the whole two years because it's hard. If it was easy, there would be more than 7% who were still here when their missionary got home and more than that meager 3% who actually got married. Kudos to that small percentage! That is so impressive and inspiring and I really hope to be apart of it in 18 months! But you know what? The other 93% aren't bad girls. They aren't horrible girlfriends.  In fact, Seth's mother was a missionary girlfriend who ended  up falling in love and getting married to someone else while her missionary was away and I am soo grateful that she did! If she hadn't I wouldn't have the wonderful boy that I have today. Plus I love both of Seth's parents and I would be very sad if we didn't have Chip around. Anyway, sometimes Heavenly Father just has other things in mind and we don't know what those things are. Who are we to tell our Heavenly Father, "Um thanks but no thanks. I'm going to go with my plan for myself"? Good luck with that one. Sometimes we just don't understand how something so great, like our missionary, isn't the answer. Because that's the answer we want. I'll admit it, I'm afraid to pray about waiting. I'm scared because I don't want to know if the answer isn't Seth. I want so desperately for it to be that way. Yet, I'm well aware that that may not be the case. I'm one of those people that need to know for sure, 100%, that I'm making the right decision. If I'm supposed to be here when Seth gets back, I will be. (And believe me, I'm planning on it.) However, if Heavenly Father has another plan for me, I need to know. And for that reason, I've started dating. Let's be honest, dating is fun. And it's taken me 6 months to get started, but I'm glad I have. Now don't go getting your pantyhose in a bundle, (that's a weird old saying my grandma used to use) I'm not Dear Johning Seth. That's a letter I don't ever want to write. I've just been on a few casual dates. And for the first time in 6 months, I don't despise the weekends. Yet, there are people who are angry at me for this. Why? Heck, I don't really know. Quite honestly I have no clue what it has to do with them at all, these aren't even other MGs, but no matter what you do someone somewhere isn't going to approve and hey, that's life. But before you judge me and say I'm a horrible person for beginning to date, I say this: You go 6 months alone. You say goodbye to your best friend. You go without eating for weeks because you're so upset you make yourself sick and you cry yourself to sleep every single night for 3 months and on and off for the next 3. You live for letters that sometimes don't come for weeks at a time. Then you can tell me that I have no right to date or even be around another male. Then you can tell me that I'm supposed to stay locked up in my room for 2 years.
3) Going back the the missionary girlfriends, I think it's amazing how, in Utah, they all hang out together and go on little MG road trips and such. That's great! I wish I were there to do it too, I wish we all were. The fact of the matter is, we're not. Unless you live in Utah, it's very unlikely that there is another girl waiting for her missionary nearby. Heck, in Nebraska I'm lucky if there's another one in the whole state. If there is, I sure don't know about it. So if we aren't supposed to date, and we're expected to only hang out with other girls like us, what the heck are those of us who don't live in Utah going to do every weekend? Faithfully sit in our rooms and study and write letters and listen to sappy love songs for the full 2 years (and believe me, I did that for a fair share of these past 6 months)? I'm not bashing the idea of going on MG outings at all. I think It's awesome. I'm just saying, not all of us can do that.
Okay. I've got it out of my system. I'm sure I'm going to want to delete this as soon as I post it because I really don't want to offend anyone, but I won't erase it. I won't even edit it. Because I think it's important that we realize that waiting doesn't mean we can't be near anyone of the opposite sex. It means we will still be here when our missionaries come home and here, my friends, is where I intend to be.

Wisdom Teeth=Date??

The other day I got my wisdom teeth out. All four of them. (^^Notice the puffy cheeks ^^) The laughing gas made me cry, no clue why, it was actually kinda embarrassing because I don't like crying...and I had no good reason...and I couldn't control it. Apparently the chemicals have different effects on different people and that's happened before, so that made me feel a little better. So there I am with a fat numb face and I feel like I'm drooling, attractive right? So I wipe it off only to realize it's blood. Anyone who knows me knows I do not do well with my own blood. *Breath* Okay. I got this. I go to change the gauze and suddenly I know...I am going to pass out. (This has happened plenty of times over the past 19 years so, by now, I recognize the feeling.) I warn my aunt "I'm gonna pass out I'm gonna pass out I'm gonna pass out," and then I'm out like a light. She's never seen this before, so of course she's panicking until my mom gets out to the van. (She had run into Walmart to grab me an ice pack for my swollen cheeks.) Anyway, I woke back up and everything was fine, no big deal.

 So we get home, I take some ibuprofen, and a few hours later I get asked out. Twice. I mean, I have spent time and hung out with some really nice, awesome guys since Seth left, but I wouldn't consider those dates. They didn't actually plan something and take me out, we just chilled. I have agreed to go on dates, (it's a hard thing for me to turn down a nice guy who got up the nerve to ask me, a frightening girl, to dinner or a movie), but things never seemed to work out. Quite honestly, I always had some sort of excuse to why I couldn't follow through. I guess I wasn't really ready. So now I just got my wisdom teeth pulled and all of a sudden I get asked out twice in the same night. And it was a Wednesday night. Strange? I thought so. Well I agreed to go to a movie with a RM who used to serve here after warning him that he was taking out a chipmunk, not a person. Afterward he took me to get ice cream since I couldn't eat anything else. And you know what? It was fun. I am not interested in him in that way and he is not interested in me, we are just friends, which is great. In fact, half of the time we talked about Seth. Lovely date I'd say. No pressure, no confusion, just two friends hanging out and for a first date in a long time...that ain't too bad. =)

The Missionary's Girl

We are so much stronger than we sometimes give ourselves credit for. Hopefully this gives you strength and reminds you of exactly who you are!

The Missionary's Girl

Somewhere between the whirl of teen-age dates and the responsibility of matrimony, we find a lone creature called the Missionary's Girl.

They come in two varieties... engaged and hopefuls. They come in assorted sizes, weights, and colors, blue being the most common.

The missionary's girl is found at home, missing parties, staying away from dances, paying her own way to the movies, and buyingstationary by the gross.

Missionaries love them, young girls look up to them, parentstolerate them, postmen hate them, and weekly letters support them.

A missionary's girl is a composite. She has the appetite of a hormonally unstable 18-year-old girl, the enthusiasm of a wet noodle, the patience of Job, the persistence of a stainless steel salesman and the imagination of Scherazade.

She likes letters from the mission field, invitations to his home, long distance telephone calls, items for his scrapbook, pictures of him, and other girls who are waiting.

She isn't much for Saturday nights out on the town ; people who say, "Two years is a long time"; or “Don’t waste your time” or the classic “ so much can happen in two years” , new clothes with no one to wear them for; sad movies and music; movies with love scenes; knitting; wedding receptions; little sisters who date; calenders; and "Dear Janes."
A missionary's girl is an odd object: She can get lonesome, discouraged, and temporarily lose faith in the whole missionary system. No one else can write such cheerful letters in such a rotten mood. No one else can get such a thrill at the end of the day by the words, "Why yes, there is a letter for you." Nobody else is so early to bed and so early to rise. A missionary's girl is virtue with no chance to be otherwise, faith with twenty-four months to wait, prudence with 69 cents in her savings account, and beauty with no one to give a darn.

Yes, she is all this, but it will all be forgotten the day he receives his letter of release and, upon his arrival home she will probably utter the words she once considered trite, "It hasn't seemed like any time at all!"
~ Dan Valentine

Wait For Me

All of a sudden I really started to love the Sons of Provo soundtrack! It's absolutely ridiculous and makes me laugh every time I hear it. It makes fun of boy bands and ourselves as mormons. (Isn't it interesting how we don't want anyone else poking fun at us but it's hilarious when we do it to ourselves? Kind of a funny concept.) Here are the lyrics to one of the songs that I found fitting for this blog, it's called Wait For Me. (Note: This is NOT how I feel lol Seth didn't ask me to do any of this except, of course, wait for him. I told him I didn't want to be with anybody else, and he actually encouraged me to date because he wanted me to be happy and healthy. All he asked was that a) I didn't tell him about my dates and b) I was still here when he got back. I think I can handle that.When he discovered that you could actually be engaged and still go on a mission, we already knew we weren't going to do that, but we discussed it anyway just for the heck of it. He told me that he would never do that to me because, if I did fall in love with someone else within the next two years, he didn't want me to feel tied down and like I had an obligation to him. He would just want me to do what's best for me and be happy. Doesn't that just melt your heart?! It does mine! What a great guy. I love him. <3  =) Anyway, here are those lyrics:

No more cussin', lyin', no more parties no more flirtin',
Going off to serve the Lord beyond the "Zion Curtain"
Yes, I'm afraid of what's to come as I travel cross the sea,
But what scares me most is that you might not wait for me.

Chorus
Oh, oh, oh, What's it gonna be girl?
Oh, oh, oh, It's me against the world
With every fiber of my being I'll be true to thee
As I magnify our love as a missionary
I'll come back a Bible scholar baby wait and see
So put a blind fold on for two years honey... And wait for me.

I'll think of you as I convert the heathen and the sinner
And the tapeworms in Brazil will bring me home to you much thinner
We're too young to tie the knot, though my love weighs a ton
Once I'm home, we'll be much wiser at a full-grown twenty-one.

Chorus

If you'd swear to not wear make-up and to wear these hooded veils
And don't go out in public or converse with any males
Our love can be assured to stay alive and keep on track
Just put your life on pause, we can fast forward when I get back-ack-ack-ack


Oh, oh oh What's it gonna be girl?
Oh, oh , oh It's me against the world
Oh, oh oh What's it gonna be girl?
Oh, oh , oh Don't be a naughty girl.
Oh, oh oh What's it gonna be girl?
Oh, oh , oh Don't make me have to hurl.
Oh, oh oh What's it gonna be girl?
Oh, oh , oh Don't date my best friend Merle.

Look it up here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3WoKUgASRM It's so funny!

My Cup Runneth Over

Today I was thinking about blessings. Actually, everyday I think about my blessings. I have so many! First of all, my family is amazing, and not only my immediate family, extended too! I am close to almost everyone I am related to and they all are such a strength to me. My immediate family, however, is my greatest pillar of strength. My parents are always willing to help me through whatever I am going through whether great or small and I talk to them about anything and everything. Last night, for example, I had a terrible nightmare that my mom had died and it was my fault. It was horrible! It was one of those dreams that felt so real that when I woke up, I was upset and crying and, for the first time in probably ten years, I went and crawled in bed with my mom and dad...and they let me. Awesome parents? Yeah I know. =) Then there are my younger siblings, three sisters and one brother. My brother Steele has no brothers, so I have played the "brother" growing up. Therefore, naturally, he and I are extremely close. One of my best friends, the other being Seth, is my sister Sapphire. She and I did everything together before I went to college...everything. Sports, speech, drama, band, double dates, and just hanging out together. We share clothes, a room, memories, and DNA. When I come home, we still are inseparable  but I sometimes miss always being together. She actually has a blog of her own and it's all about the two of us and the awesome bond that we have! http://mysister-myfriend.blogspot.com/  Then there are my youngest two sisters, Shylo and Sequoia. Shylo is a lot like I am and Sequoia acts like Sapphire. They haven't discovered that they are each other's best friends yet, but they will. Sapphire and I are working on teaching them...they're starting to get it. (Since we're always in pairs this is how mom calls us: Sapphire and I = girls!  Shylo and Sequoia = little girls! and Steele = Steele. Poor kid. No buddy system for him!) Another blessing that I've spent a lot of time thinking about this summer is the beautiful earth we have to live on! Isn't it amazing?! Living in this little valley I am surrounded by so much lush green land. I love looking over the hills and seeing the myriad of greens from different fields. The other night I was riding in the back of a truck with my little sisters and I was showing them, first the lights in the sky which form the constellations, and then the hundreds, if not thousands, of lights on the ground: the fireflies. I showed them that if you looked in the trees and ditches, there were sometimes so many fireflies that it looked like the earth itself was sparkling. I just can't get over how incredibly beautiful it is here! I know I've lived here all my life, but wow! How blessed I am to live in a place where I can see the stars in the sky and open, rolling hills covered by fireflies and fields. A few days later I was driving with Sapphire as the sun was setting and once again I admired the beauty of it all. It was one of those very pink and purple sunsets that seem to wash everything in a pink hue and make it look romantic. (I know I sound like a hippy or tree-hugger here, and maybe I am, but seriously! Look around you and pay attention and I think you will experience the same feelings.) Last but not least, I definitely have to count Seth being on a mission as a blessing. Yes, it's tough, but it has blessed both he and I in numerous ways and I have the support and love of his family which is AMAZING.  Plus, as far as trials go, this a pretty good one to have. If I could swap with anyone...I wouldn't. I wouldn't trade any part of my life. Is it perfect? Of course not...but it's pretty darn close. Like I said before, I am extremely blessed. My cup runneth over.