California&"The" Talk

I really need to be doing my homework right now...I put it off all weekend and went on a trip to California with a group of people from the singles ward. Seriously, so much fun! That was the first time I'd ever seen the ocean! The first time I'd ever had sushi rolls. The first time I'd ever rode a tandem bike. The first time I'd ever seen the San Diego temple. The first time I'd ever attempted to surf. The first time I'd ever just decided to go on a trip without consulting my parents first. I'm a big girl now! Long story short? It was amazing. 

The absolute best part was seeing the temple. That has been my favorite temple for as long as I can remember and I've always wanted to get married there, yet I'd never seen it in person. If you want to know the truth, as soon as we came around the corner and saw the temple at the top of the hill, I began to cry. It was pretty late at night so the temple was already closed (I was really bummed about not being able to go earlier.) but just being there the spirit was so strong. I have never wanted to go inside, or at least just be inside the gate on the temple grounds, so bad. As I stood there pressing my face up against the fence I just thought, "Wow. That's Heavenly Father's house. He's in there." And then I had a very distinct thought, or an impression if you will, "He's here too, Sierra." Needless to say, it was an incredible night and there's more to that story that made it even better but that's a little personal for everyone involved and so I'm not going to share it on here. 

Anyway, one of the friends who went along on this trip was guy #1 from my last post (I don't remember what geeky name I gave him before). We get along really well and I feel like I can tell him anything. In fact, I have. After we got back from California last night we just sat there and talked for hours about a lot of really deep, important things. Towards the end I told him that, even though I really love spending time with him, I thought it was best if we just kept things as good friends, maybe even best friends, but not a relationship. And he was really understanding and very cool about it. He said that, even though it would be hard for him, he completely understand thought it was fair. And that is why he's already one of my closest friends here. I really appreciate the maturity that most guys in the church have. I feel like, as I grow up, I'm having this talk much more often, but at the same time the guys aren't acting out as upset boys anymore, now they respond to me with respect and they handle it as men. It's a bit of a strange transition, but it's one that i definitely like. 

I'm so grateful for him and others who have treated me with respect even though they don't necessarily like my decisions. I'm grateful for the perspective that the gospel gives. I'm grateful for good people and good friends. I'm grateful for the confidence that I have to stand up for myself and say no, this isn't what I want for myself; I didn't always have that. In fact, I didn't have that until recently. I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings, so I would let things slide much longer than they should have on multiple occasions. In the end, it always ended up hurting them even more and me as well. I'm grateful that I have finally learned my lesson.

Bad Decision Making & Ugly names.

So here's the thing. I date other people. Y'all know that. I like dating! A lot.
This weekend I went on a couple of dates and they were great! Fun guys? Check. Unique activities? Check. Good food? Double check. (And, let's be honest, that's the only part that really matters.)
So I had a great time on both dates.
But here's the thing: neither prospect has a future. Specimen A, we'll call him Rupert*, is a great guy. However, he's not someone who could take me to the temple. (Not that it's even like that. At all.) And that's kinda a big deal. If I said he was a "flirt to convert" case, I'd be lying. Because he's already a member. And I actually enjoy spending time with him. But hey, helping to bring him back to church is a definite plus.

Specimen B, Albert*, is a super awesome dude. Do the words dude and Albert really belong in the same sentence? I feel like they don't. Anyway, I digress. He's actually someone who I could see myself going on more than a couple of dates with...and not getting sick of. And that's saying something. But...he's a convert so he wasn't able to go on a mission at age 19, so he's going on one now. Which is amazing! I'm so impressed by people who do that! But I can't help but think, really? Another soon to be missionary? I can really pick 'em, eh?

Also I have an awesome new friend. She'll be given the name *Wompel. (Or Blanch. Or Frambruka. I can't decide. The list is just so good!) She's Canadian and the other day she asked me a question and said "Eh?" at the end. It sorta made my life complete.

*Names have been changed, and to pretty terrible options I might add. Do you really think I know someone named Wompel? Ew. No offense if that's your name. But you should probably consider a name change. And fast.

Ugly names. Let's talk about that some more. Hogarth. Is that a boy or a girl name? I feel like it's not even suited for a dog. And what about Melvin and Gertrude? Quasimodo. Archibald. Eugene. Olga.  Humphrey. Bertha. Myrtle. Buford. Opal. Dorkus. (Seriously, it's a name. Read Darcy's Song.) Edith. Eunice. Beaulah. Bartholomew. Ingebord. Also, every single Sesame Street character. Why must they have such awful names? The world will never know.

One of my friends wanted to name his future daughter Hildegarth. 

Hopefully he marries someone who isn't a crack-addict so she can talk him out of that one. 

Poor kid.

so i guess i'm pretty spoiled...

because today I received, not one, but 2 cartas! We don't write as often anymore so when I do get a letter it's a huge surprise, sorta like a mini-Christmas. And in each of those envelopes there were multiple letters, one of which was written on 3 pass-along cards because he didn't have paper with him. I immediately sat down and read through those things as if I were losing my sight in a few minutes.

Omygoodness, omygoodness.

I love that boy.

And you know what? 

He loves me too. =) 

He is excited about marrying me! Me! Can you believe it?! I sure can't. I have definitely made my fair share of dumb mistakes and he knows all about them and yet...he still wants...me? How can this be? 

I am so blessed. 

In one of his letters he said "I was talking to a guy named Beto...the other day we got on the subject of families and whether or not we had girlfriends. I showed him a picture of you and he approves. But then he said something I wasn't expecting that was really nice. He told me, 'It doesn't matter how many guys she meets or goes out with. She is never going to find someone as good as you.' Made me feel really good. =)"

Well, Beto, you were right. I'll be honest, I like dating now that the time is right.

I like the lack of pressure that comes with casual dates.

I like the reassurance that comes after those dates telling me, they are great guys, but they aren't Seth.

I just don't get excited about anyone else like I got excited about him.

Like I still get when I get a letter or an email from his family.

So you're right, Beto. It doesn't matter how many guys I go on dates with during this next year, none of them will take his place.

Which reminds me: AZ boys are much more....aggressive than NE boys. It took Seth 2 years to come say hi to me. I was asked on 2 dates within the first 24 hours of moving to Arizona. Granted, Seth was younger and probably much less desperate for an eternal spouse. I'm just sayin'. 

Bringing me to another point...

Last night I got asked on another date.

I was actually driving behind him trying to leave the parking lot when he stopped the car, hopped out, and headed toward me. So, I rolled down my window. 

"Yes?"

"I know I don't know you very well yet...but I want to. What are you doing in 5 days? Would you want to go on a double date with me? You might have heard that I'm leaving on my mission soon but I wouldn't expect you to wait for me or anything." 

I can't tell you how tempted I was to say, "Good because I wouldn't anyway. I'm already waiting for someone else."

But I didn't want to be rude.

So instead I just smiled.

What is Waiting?

Okay, friends. Here's the deal, I'm going to vent in this blog post. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Missionary girlfriends. Missionary girlfriends are these awesome, patient people and I love getting to know each one of them that I come in contact with. Over cyber-space of course, I definitely don't run into them in person but somehow we all seem to find each other. They are all very supportive. But you see, there is a problem. Much of this elite group is often very close-minded. Not all of them, please don't assume I'm talking about you, dear reader, because, well, I'm probably not. There are some super super amazing girls who I have grown to love and, well actually that's all of them, but sometimes I just don't agree with everything.. Allow me to explain myself.

There are some girls who go on dates and realize that they are starting to get feelings for other guys after their missionary has been gone awhile. Another girl told of how her missionary told her in an email that he had heard a talk or something and felt like she needed to be dating other guys while he was away but he still wanted her to write him and be there when he got home. She was pretty upset about all of this and instead of trying to calm her down and have her see that he wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, he just wanted her to be happy and was letting her know that he trusted her, other girls responded with comments telling her that they would be super upset too and that she shouldn't go on any dates and she just shouldn't tell her missionary that part. Someone else had been talking to her mom and she (the mom) had told her (the MG) that she really needed to date while he was away, not only because she wanted her to be happy but she wanted her to know for sure that she was making the right decision by waiting. And let's face it, girls, it's a big, important decision. That's two years of our lives. The response to that one was that all the other girls had had the same conversation with their mothers when their missionaries had left. (Haven't we all?) A few of them told her to go ahead and start dating, it may even strengthen her love for her missionary and appreciating him more, but most of them advised this girl not to listen to her mother because they hadn't. They said that moms couldn't understand because they weren't going through it so they didn't really know what was best.

Okay. Now. What problem do I have with this? Well, I have a lot of problems with this. And there's a good chance you're going to have a problem with me, and that's okay but I think you've read thus far, you should hear me out. 1) Moms are smart. If there's anything I've learned in the past 19, almost 20 years, it's that my parents know what they are talking about. I don't always agree and I don't always want to listen, but they are right 99.9% of the time. So maybe, instead of blowing off their advice, we should take it. 2) We are not statistics, but statistics do have something to say. Most girls don't wait the whole two years because it's hard. If it was easy, there would be more than 7% who were still here when their missionary got home and more than that meager 3% who actually got married. Kudos to that small percentage! That is so impressive and inspiring and I really hope to be apart of it in 18 months! But you know what? The other 93% aren't bad girls. They aren't horrible girlfriends.  In fact, Seth's mother was a missionary girlfriend who ended  up falling in love and getting married to someone else while her missionary was away and I am soo grateful that she did! If she hadn't I wouldn't have the wonderful boy that I have today. Plus I love both of Seth's parents and I would be very sad if we didn't have Chip around. Anyway, sometimes Heavenly Father just has other things in mind and we don't know what those things are. Who are we to tell our Heavenly Father, "Um thanks but no thanks. I'm going to go with my plan for myself"? Good luck with that one. Sometimes we just don't understand how something so great, like our missionary, isn't the answer. Because that's the answer we want. I'll admit it, I'm afraid to pray about waiting. I'm scared because I don't want to know if the answer isn't Seth. I want so desperately for it to be that way. Yet, I'm well aware that that may not be the case. I'm one of those people that need to know for sure, 100%, that I'm making the right decision. If I'm supposed to be here when Seth gets back, I will be. (And believe me, I'm planning on it.) However, if Heavenly Father has another plan for me, I need to know. And for that reason, I've started dating. Let's be honest, dating is fun. And it's taken me 6 months to get started, but I'm glad I have. Now don't go getting your pantyhose in a bundle, (that's a weird old saying my grandma used to use) I'm not Dear Johning Seth. That's a letter I don't ever want to write. I've just been on a few casual dates. And for the first time in 6 months, I don't despise the weekends. Yet, there are people who are angry at me for this. Why? Heck, I don't really know. Quite honestly I have no clue what it has to do with them at all, these aren't even other MGs, but no matter what you do someone somewhere isn't going to approve and hey, that's life. But before you judge me and say I'm a horrible person for beginning to date, I say this: You go 6 months alone. You say goodbye to your best friend. You go without eating for weeks because you're so upset you make yourself sick and you cry yourself to sleep every single night for 3 months and on and off for the next 3. You live for letters that sometimes don't come for weeks at a time. Then you can tell me that I have no right to date or even be around another male. Then you can tell me that I'm supposed to stay locked up in my room for 2 years.
3) Going back the the missionary girlfriends, I think it's amazing how, in Utah, they all hang out together and go on little MG road trips and such. That's great! I wish I were there to do it too, I wish we all were. The fact of the matter is, we're not. Unless you live in Utah, it's very unlikely that there is another girl waiting for her missionary nearby. Heck, in Nebraska I'm lucky if there's another one in the whole state. If there is, I sure don't know about it. So if we aren't supposed to date, and we're expected to only hang out with other girls like us, what the heck are those of us who don't live in Utah going to do every weekend? Faithfully sit in our rooms and study and write letters and listen to sappy love songs for the full 2 years (and believe me, I did that for a fair share of these past 6 months)? I'm not bashing the idea of going on MG outings at all. I think It's awesome. I'm just saying, not all of us can do that.
Okay. I've got it out of my system. I'm sure I'm going to want to delete this as soon as I post it because I really don't want to offend anyone, but I won't erase it. I won't even edit it. Because I think it's important that we realize that waiting doesn't mean we can't be near anyone of the opposite sex. It means we will still be here when our missionaries come home and here, my friends, is where I intend to be.