Near. Death.

Today I almost died. Yes, it's true. I almost died. This last weekend I went home to see my family and Seth's family as well. (They came to visit.) It was awesome and wonderful in every possible way! This morning when I was coming back to college, however, was not so awesome. 

I was just driving along minding my own business, doing normal 20 year old things like jamming out to N'SYNC and good ol' Christina and Brittany, you know, the whole gang. Then, up ahead I see a U-Haul truck cut off a semi. Next thing I know the semi is in MY lane literally about to run me over and crush me like a bug! Why he didn't take his own shoulder, I don't know, but for some reason he thought my side of the road looked a lot more appealing...even though I was clearly on it. All of dad's "what if" scenarios suddenly came flooding back into my mind and when I was forced into the grassy median, I knew to take it at a gradual angle. So even though I hit the grass going 80 mph, Floyd (my car) and I were both fine. Thank goodness for dad and his incessant preparedness and analytic discussions! Once the semi and other nearby cars passed I got back on the interstate, said a little thankful prayer, finished my drive to Lincoln, and immediately went to take a Spanish test which I aced. Then after class our bell tower played the Harry Potter theme song, which was pretty awesome, and I saw a guy who I was pretty sure was a paraplegic, but it turns out he can just stretch his arm really far behind his back and hold it there. So yeah. That's my day in a nutshell. It's a good one. 

Difficult Discussion.

Today I received an email from Seth...and we were able to email back and forth. Which was awesome. We talked about some...difficult subjects and I was reminded, even if things don't work out in the long run, who says things didn't "work out?" I have had the chance to have this awesome guy in my life and we have both grown and learned so much from each other that I'm just grateful for the time we spent together. Hopefully there will be more in store for us in the future...in 497 days. =)
For some more things I love...and believe me, there are a lot, go here:
http://theyellowglove.blogspot.com/2011/10/love-love-love.html

I Have a Confession.

I have a confession to make. I have been the worst letter writer of all time these last two months. I still send him at least one email every week, usually more, but I haven't sat down and sent something hand-written in awhile. Why? Because it hurts. More than seven months after he left, I'm okay and life is good. But there's something you should know: I'm a writer. That's just the way things are. So when I sit down to write a letter, it's not a one or two page letter. It's a minimum of four pages. Front and back.  Always. That takes time and it forces me to remember...oh yeah. I still miss him. A lot.  Sending emails, however, is quick and painless. I can let him know what's going on in my life and that I haven't forgotten about him without completely realizing that he's real...because let's be honest. It doesn't always feel that way. In a mixture of my words and the words of another MG...

Sometimes I think he is fake.

I have an imaginary boyfriend.

(Might as well get that out there...)

He used to be real.

At least I think he was.

It's just that...

It's been a while, you know?

I write letters to a man living in Argentina.

Supposedly.

Every month and a half I get a few letters;

and I remember that I know he is real.

I read his thoughts and I know he exists.

Then I wait.

But he doesn't stay real.

All of a sudden he's imaginary again.

Was there ever anything tangible to this?

I hardly remember what it was like having him here -

...he was here

...Right?

Sometimes I think I'll get so used to being apart from him,

I won't know how to be around him again.

And that's scary.

Assuming he's real.

And if he is, he's coming back, right?

Hopefully?

At least

I think hopefully.

I'm not really sure what it's going to be like when he comes back.

If he comes back.

It was great when he was here...

Right?

Or am I just remembering the good parts 

because that's all I want to remember?

We will be different...

and then what?

Will I still want him?

Will he still want me?

I think so.

I hope so.

Birthday Flowers =)

Last Friday I turned 20. I feel the same. I look the same. I am the same. However, I can no longer say I'm in my teens. I'm a full fledged adult and that is both scary and exciting at the same time. It's strange to think that my mom was married by the time she was my age...wow. Anyhow my birthday was a crazy day. I got three hours of sleep that night thanks to my excess amount of homework and then I had an exam which kicked me off halfway through and a presentation which I felt I could have done a much better job on if I hadn't been so flustered from running around campus trying to get things to work. Then I got to the institute and lo and behold...there were flowers awaiting my arrival. I had no idea who they could be from, maybe my parents? But no, somehow Seth and his dad had worked things out and I had flowers sent to me from my wonderful missionary halfway across the world. =) It completely turned my day around and everything was okay. And I knew, someone somewhere was always looking out for me and that's all I needed. 

Email Day!!

1) Wednesday was email day!! =) =) And I actually checked my email at the same time he was on so we got to email back and forth for a few mins! It was magical. I almost forgot how much I missed him.

2) We've made it past 7 months!! (I know I'm behind on my countdown..lo siento! I'll get there eventually!)

3)I'm turning 20 tomorrow! Wow...