California&"The" Talk

I really need to be doing my homework right now...I put it off all weekend and went on a trip to California with a group of people from the singles ward. Seriously, so much fun! That was the first time I'd ever seen the ocean! The first time I'd ever had sushi rolls. The first time I'd ever rode a tandem bike. The first time I'd ever seen the San Diego temple. The first time I'd ever attempted to surf. The first time I'd ever just decided to go on a trip without consulting my parents first. I'm a big girl now! Long story short? It was amazing. 

The absolute best part was seeing the temple. That has been my favorite temple for as long as I can remember and I've always wanted to get married there, yet I'd never seen it in person. If you want to know the truth, as soon as we came around the corner and saw the temple at the top of the hill, I began to cry. It was pretty late at night so the temple was already closed (I was really bummed about not being able to go earlier.) but just being there the spirit was so strong. I have never wanted to go inside, or at least just be inside the gate on the temple grounds, so bad. As I stood there pressing my face up against the fence I just thought, "Wow. That's Heavenly Father's house. He's in there." And then I had a very distinct thought, or an impression if you will, "He's here too, Sierra." Needless to say, it was an incredible night and there's more to that story that made it even better but that's a little personal for everyone involved and so I'm not going to share it on here. 

Anyway, one of the friends who went along on this trip was guy #1 from my last post (I don't remember what geeky name I gave him before). We get along really well and I feel like I can tell him anything. In fact, I have. After we got back from California last night we just sat there and talked for hours about a lot of really deep, important things. Towards the end I told him that, even though I really love spending time with him, I thought it was best if we just kept things as good friends, maybe even best friends, but not a relationship. And he was really understanding and very cool about it. He said that, even though it would be hard for him, he completely understand thought it was fair. And that is why he's already one of my closest friends here. I really appreciate the maturity that most guys in the church have. I feel like, as I grow up, I'm having this talk much more often, but at the same time the guys aren't acting out as upset boys anymore, now they respond to me with respect and they handle it as men. It's a bit of a strange transition, but it's one that i definitely like. 

I'm so grateful for him and others who have treated me with respect even though they don't necessarily like my decisions. I'm grateful for the perspective that the gospel gives. I'm grateful for good people and good friends. I'm grateful for the confidence that I have to stand up for myself and say no, this isn't what I want for myself; I didn't always have that. In fact, I didn't have that until recently. I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings, so I would let things slide much longer than they should have on multiple occasions. In the end, it always ended up hurting them even more and me as well. I'm grateful that I have finally learned my lesson.

so i guess i'm pretty spoiled...

because today I received, not one, but 2 cartas! We don't write as often anymore so when I do get a letter it's a huge surprise, sorta like a mini-Christmas. And in each of those envelopes there were multiple letters, one of which was written on 3 pass-along cards because he didn't have paper with him. I immediately sat down and read through those things as if I were losing my sight in a few minutes.

Omygoodness, omygoodness.

I love that boy.

And you know what? 

He loves me too. =) 

He is excited about marrying me! Me! Can you believe it?! I sure can't. I have definitely made my fair share of dumb mistakes and he knows all about them and yet...he still wants...me? How can this be? 

I am so blessed. 

In one of his letters he said "I was talking to a guy named Beto...the other day we got on the subject of families and whether or not we had girlfriends. I showed him a picture of you and he approves. But then he said something I wasn't expecting that was really nice. He told me, 'It doesn't matter how many guys she meets or goes out with. She is never going to find someone as good as you.' Made me feel really good. =)"

Well, Beto, you were right. I'll be honest, I like dating now that the time is right.

I like the lack of pressure that comes with casual dates.

I like the reassurance that comes after those dates telling me, they are great guys, but they aren't Seth.

I just don't get excited about anyone else like I got excited about him.

Like I still get when I get a letter or an email from his family.

So you're right, Beto. It doesn't matter how many guys I go on dates with during this next year, none of them will take his place.

Which reminds me: AZ boys are much more....aggressive than NE boys. It took Seth 2 years to come say hi to me. I was asked on 2 dates within the first 24 hours of moving to Arizona. Granted, Seth was younger and probably much less desperate for an eternal spouse. I'm just sayin'. 

Bringing me to another point...

Last night I got asked on another date.

I was actually driving behind him trying to leave the parking lot when he stopped the car, hopped out, and headed toward me. So, I rolled down my window. 

"Yes?"

"I know I don't know you very well yet...but I want to. What are you doing in 5 days? Would you want to go on a double date with me? You might have heard that I'm leaving on my mission soon but I wouldn't expect you to wait for me or anything." 

I can't tell you how tempted I was to say, "Good because I wouldn't anyway. I'm already waiting for someone else."

But I didn't want to be rude.

So instead I just smiled.

Mormons Galore!

Sooo.....Arizona was great! I'm super excited about going down there though, from those I've seen so far, there are some crazy aggressive drivers. Which isn't a problem with just me but it'll make me nervous with two little girls on my watch...at least until I get used to it. And at that point I'm sure everything will be just dandy. The girls are 1 and 2 years old and omygoodness omygoodness. They are so stinkin cute!!! Love em. Also, I figured out which ward I'm gonna be in, Tempe 1st ya'll! Holla! There are 1500 students enrolled in institute classes in Tempe alone. Holy. Crap. I'm not gonna know what to do with myself being surrounded by so many mormons! I'm pretty excited about it though. I've never been around a lot of members. Growing up it was just my family and now that I'm in college it's just my small singles ward of about 75, 80 active members. Which I love! I am going to miss everyone here tons!! It will be a good experience though so, overall, I'm pretty psyched about it. The only downside? I have to fly down on New Years Eve and that is going to be zero fun. Because I won't know anyone yet so unless any of you are from the Phoenix/Tempe/Mesa area and would like to hang out that night, I am gonna be a total loser. 'Atta girl, Sierra!

Also, did I ever mention that I was able to spend some time with Seth's little sister Kaitlyn and his dad over the Thanksgiving weekend? No? Well I did. And it was awesomespice. And they make me smile. And I love them. =) That is all.

I Still Miss Him.

Wednesday I was able to email back and forth with Seth for a little while. Some days I barely recognize the person he's becoming...We have both changed so drastically. But for the better. Hearing from him was the reassurance I've needed...Yes. I definitely still love him. I just can't remember what it was like to have him here...so sometimes I need that little reminder. Also, I was very excited because, for months before Seth left, I tried to get him to style his hair. And he refused. And I was frustrated because I knew how cute he'd look! (I already thought he was cute, but you know what I mean.) He told me that he never styled his hair and he never ever would in all of his life. Well guess what? He's started styling his hair. Ha. And now he has even asked me for more ideas about what I think would look good so I've recently become obsessed with short hairstyles for men and have sent his multiple photos for him to consider. He has been trying them out this week, at least that's what the plan was. What a cutie. =)

The next day, Thursday, Seth's dad came to Lincoln. I was able to spend some time with him and gosh, I love that man. I love how I can be very honest and upfront with Seth's parents. They know I'm dating other people and they still love me anyway and are supportive. We also talked about how much Seth loved his mission and how he didn't want to come home, which isn't always easy to hear, but that's how it's supposed to be and I'm so proud of him. But you know what? I don't want him to come home anytime soon anyway. I mean, I miss him. But there's so much more I want to do and need to do before he comes back! If he is the one we would be getting married before too long so I need to do everything that I'm going to do by myself...now. Also...tonight was the adult session of stake conference and I've been thinking...Maybe I'll go on a mission. I wouldn't see Seth for almost four years...and that would be really really hard...but I've already ran the idea by him and he's really supportive whatever I decide to do. Hmmm...we'll see. Something else to pray about. 

And one last thing...my roommate is starting to kinda date this guy in the singles ward...and tonight after she walked him outside she came back in the room and was just so happy she didn't even know what to say! And it was so adorable! All she could say was "It felt like.....home." And you know what? I knew exactly what she  meant. And I missed that feeling. A lot. I'm super excited for her though! They make a super cute couple and I can definitely see it working. Maybe...=) But gosh...I almost started to cry. I didn't let myself because I didn't want to drag down the mood because I am so happy for them! I love seeing adorable couples! I just missed feeling like that myself...that's all. 

Oh and one more thing...this guy I've been going on dates with? He asked me to stay here and not go to Arizona next semester....He's an awesome awesome guy. A returned missionary, great testimony, super cute, super fun, super athletic, he's got it all...But I just don't feel that "home" feeling. I don't feel the way I did with Seth. And I need that. So I said no. I'm still going to Arizona. And I still miss Seth.

On the Same Page...Oh yeah. And I'm moving.

Hey ya'll! So I know I've told you a lot about my other blog lately...but there's a reason. I really love blogging but the truth of the matter is, everything that passes through my mind and happens during my day doesn't have to do with my missionary. In fact, most things don't and I don't want that to stop me from blogging. So, I'm going to be mostly working on my other blog. Don't worry, I'll still post on here every once in awhile, but if you really want to know what's going on in my life you should definitely follow this one! I've been completely remodeling it and right now it may seem like a mystery as to why, but just you wait.There's meaning behind it and I think you will really love it. I know I do. So now, it's called The Yellow Glove. Stay tuned for an explanation.
Also, I received two letters from Seth today. Love them. Love him. Remember how I mentioned that we'd had a difficult discussion? Yes? Good. That discussion, was necessary though and now we both know, for sure, that we are on the same page. I'll let a quote from Seth himself explain.
"I hope when I get back that our Heavenly Father has the same thing in mind that I do. That we can get married and live together forever. That is my dream and my wish, but if it is not His wish then we will both find the person la cual Dios quiere que nos casemos." (Basically if it isn't His will we will each find the person who we are supposed to marry and will be happy.)
 That's exactly how I feel so it was a huge relief to know that he  agreed. Sometimes I feel like there's a lot of pressure that we have to work out and get married. Believe it or not, that's worse than the pressure I receive from others telling me that we aren't going to make it. Why? Because it's scary. What if we both change so much that the chemistry isn't there when he comes home? Not only will that be hard for us, but we will let down hundreds of other people spread throughout multiple states who are expecting us to be the "perfect couple." And the truth is, we aren't. We love each other, but we definitely aren't perfect people. I know I'm not. He knows I'm not. Still, I want things to work out. I want him to be the one for me. I want his family to be my family. But I need to know for sure so I'm glad that he supports me in dating others and being open to Heavenly Father's will.
Last but not least...I'm moving. Next semester I'm going to be living in Arizona and nannying for two little girls while still enrolled full-time at UNL in online classes. (So that I can keep my scholarship.) I haven't posted anything about it yet because I've wanted to keep it a bit of a secret until I was sure that that's what I was doing. I've prayed and fasted about it...a lot.  I'm going to miss my family like crazy and I hate to leave my roommate! I love Lincoln. I love my apartment. I love my friends and my roommate. I love the classes I was going to be taking. So I wasn't really too sure about leaving and basically putting my normal life on the back burner for a few months, but everything has fallen into place and worked out so perfectly and I've just felt good about it. I'm nervous, but I'm also very excited. I get attached to little kids super easy so I know I'm going to fall in love with these little girls within the first two days. I've enrolled in my online classes for next semester and I'll be heading down in about a month in a half. Wow. It's coming fast. I can already tell that this is going to be a huge growing experience for me and an adventure for sure! Arizona, here I come!