The Curve of Happiness

You know how, when you're learning something new, you do really well at first and then not so good for awhile and THEN you really get it and start progressing quickly? Well happiness is kind of like that sometimes. So, instead of the learning curve, it could be called the happiness curve. Or the curve of happiness. I like the sound of that better. In a way, it's like a roller coaster.
So what brought me to this conclusion? I was walking through a field the other day, chopping away at weeds, when I realized just how far I'd come since Seth left. I still miss him. A lot. Everyday. I still break down and cry sometimes. The difference is that now the moments of weakness pass quickly and overall I am much happier.
Lets start at the beginning, part one of the happiness curve: doing well. Before Seth's two years began I felt like I was the luckiest, happiest girl on the planet...because I had a great family, great friends, and an amazing boyfriend. Then he left and part two began. Driving away from his house after his farewell, knowing that I wouldn't see him again for, yes I know, a long time, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I was grateful that my dad was driving the car because I may have wanted to turn around and go back, I did want to. The next few weeks were...rough. I was so upset I didn't want to eat or be around anyone besides Seth, but that obviously wasn't going to happen. My days were all pretty much the same for awhile. I cried myself to sleep, woke up, cried some more, went to class (where my classmates probably thought I was emo because, on the really bad days, I'd wear my hood up so people couldn't see me cry on and off throughout class.), come back to my dorm room between classes and cry some more. I know, I was a baby. I tried to control it, I really did! I just couldn't seem to get over how much I missed my best friend. I'm sorry this all sounds so mopey and depressing, but don't worry, the good part is coming. The best advice I'd ever received about the situation was from a former MG who told me the most helpful thing she did was pray. So, I prayed all the time. Once as I drove I had a nice three hour conversation with my Heavenly Father. It really did help!
About a month and a half or so after Seth reported to the MTC I somehow got this idea that all I needed to do was start casually dating and then I'd be happier. After all, I thought, Seth had told me before he left that he wanted me to date because he wanted me to be happy. A friend told me it was about time to get back into the dating scene and another MG told me that the time flew by faster when she dated. That was the key, I was just sure of it. That mindset lasted about two weeks.
Since then I have gone on a few dates and I have had a really good time. If anything, though, these have reassured me how much I love my missionary. More than anything they increase my appreciation for what I have, even if I have to wait for it awhile. I know it isn't fair to those who I go on dates with, but I cannot help but compare them all to Seth, in every way. My mind is always racing with thoughts like "Seth doesn't dress like that. He wouldn't say that. This guy doesn't look like Seth." Truth of the matter is, he's not Seth. No one is. I won't find my "Seth" for 19 more months because he is in South America. And you know what? I'm okay with that.  I am so proud of him! I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm finally on step three: I get it. The best part is that as Seth is out growing as a person and increasing his testimony in the Lord, Jesus Christ, I am too. When he returns we will both be better, stronger people more fit for our lives together. So for now I am going to read and re-read his letters. I am going to immerse myself in the role of a missionary girlfriend and try to keep up with him as he becomes the man I want and need. Most of all, I am going to enjoy the ride. After all, I'm heading up on the curve of happiness and the view only gets better from here. =)